How to Stop Negative Self-Talk: 5 Questions to Challenge Your Inner Critic

Is Your Inner Critic Running the Show? Here’s How to Start Pushing Back.

If you’re someone who struggles with self-criticism, you probably know how relentless that inner voice can be.

“You could have done more.”
“You should have done it better.”
“It still wasn’t enough.”

And just like that, you’re left frustrated and defeated — annoyed that, once again, you didn’t meet your own expectations.

Maybe you start to give up. What’s the point anyway?
Or maybe you double down. You begin cutting out anything that doesn’t feel “productive” — hobbies, social time, rest. Who needs sleep?

But despite all the effort, something still feels off.
You’re left feeling unfulfilled.
You’re meeting your goals (or at least chasing them), but that inner critic? Still loud. Still unsatisfied.

And honestly? It gets exhausting trying to constantly prove yourself — to yourself.

So, now what?

You may have heard the suggestion before:
What would you say to a friend in a moment like this?

Or maybe a sibling. A niece or nephew. Even your pet.

It’s a solid question — grounded in Cognitive Therapy — because it invites you to see the same situation from a different angle.

Would you speak to someone you love the way you speak to yourself?
Would you be as harsh, critical, or judgmental?

When I ask clients this question, the answer is almost always “no.”
In fact, most come up with the kindest, most compassionate responses — things they wish they could say to themselves.

But when I ask, “Can you say that same thing to yourself?”
The answer shifts again. “No.”

So, why not?

Why is it so easy to offer empathy and support to others, yet feel like we don’t deserve it ourselves?

Often, the initial response is: “I don’t know.”
A completely valid answer, especially if you’ve never stopped to question these thoughts. Most of us don’t. We just believe them.

Eventually, the conversation turns toward: “Because I’m different.”

And that’s usually where I start to see negative core beliefs showing up.

What Are Negative Core Beliefs?

Negative core beliefs are deeply held ideas about ourselves that color the way we see the world — and ourselves in it.

They quietly influence how we interpret everything:

• A mistake? Proof that I can’t do anything right.

• No reply to a text? I must be unlovable.

• A perceived flaw? That makes me less than everyone else.

And the hardest part?
We believe these thoughts are facts — not interpretations.

Which is why offering ourselves compassion feels so foreign. When you see yourself as “not enough” or “less than,” it makes sense that kindness doesn’t stick.

But here’s where change can start.

5 Questions to Start Challenging Negative Core Beliefs

1. What does that even mean?
   If you believe “I’m not enough,” ask yourself: Enough for what? Enough for who? Vague terms are hard to challenge unless we define them.

2. Is this a realistic expectation?
   Notice if perfectionism or all-or-nothing thinking is in play. Are you expecting yourself to never make mistakes? To be everything to everyone? Is that even possible?

3. What part of the story am I missing?
   Look for evidence you’ve overlooked. When you’re used to treating your thoughts as facts, it’s easy to miss the fuller picture.

4. What do I actually believe?
   Maybe you’re not ready to offer yourself full compassion yet — that’s okay. But can you recognize that you’re trying? Or that there are people in your life who genuinely care about you? Start to shift your thought in subtle ways that are believable to you.

5. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
   Less of a question and more of a requirement. This isn’t a one-and-done fix. These beliefs took years to form, and they won’t shift overnight. Be patient. Keep practicing. You’re doing something different — and that’s the first step.

Let me say this clearly:
This work is hard.
And you don’t have to do it alone.

If you’re feeling stuck, working with a therapist can help you get the outside perspective you need.

I support teens and adults in identifying and shifting the beliefs that are no longer serving them.

Whether you're navigating anxiety, depression, disordered eating, or body image struggles — therapy can help you reconnect with your own voice (not just the critical one).

✨ Ready to feel differently? To think differently?
Let’s talk.

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